> . . . I have changed my mind
> a hundred times about how to do things in the construction of my canoe,
> based upon posts you and others have made regarding test results and
> real-life results. I think my hesitation has to do with extrapolating the
> results of tests outside of the design parameters. . . in
> something as highly variable as hand-laying fiberglass over wood core
> construction, there are so many variables as to make the results almost
> impossible to duplicate exactly from person to person. . .
> I am very grateful that you and others spend a lot of their own
> money and time to provide the rest of us with results that can save us
> from constantly re-inventing the wheel.

> My concern would be with spending
> thousands of dollars to have a commercial testing laboratory perform
> trials which probably wouldn't tell us very much. Thanks for helping me
> re-formulate my "thoughts", George.

MEMO: Dr. Sigmund Fraud

Dr. Fraud. In commenting on the excerpts from the note you have forwarded to me I must concur with your diagnosis. This sounds to me like a definite case of paralysis through analysis.

I am of course not suggesting that your analysis technique has paralyzed this patient, but of course the paralysis has come through his own inability to make a decision and stand on it. Or, perhaps in this case it would be more appropriate to say instead, to make a kayak and paddle in it.

The most obvious symptom is his reference to spending thousands of dollars on testing before building. This is obviously a metaphor for repressed childhood traumas. I typically see these cases exhibited by people whose parents forced them to use their allowances to buy their own penny candy. When these coins must come from their own pockets, rather than from a maternal purse (again a metaphor for safety and retreat) they become confused and can sometimes become agitated at the variety of choices they must confront. Of course this is unnecessary as everyone knows that strip built kayaks are more labor intensive than costly. The idea of spending thousands of dollars for something that in reality costs far, far less creates a brain spasm that can render these patients immobile, sometimes for years. Interestingly, recent research using computer-enhanced electroencephalographic output shows that while the body does not move very fast, the mind races, and changes in activity in various areas of the cerebral cortex can be observed when the patient is shown silhouette pictures of bananas, or the terms rocker, rudder or tracking are used. The researchers have not completely evaluated the meaning of this.

While shock treatments delivered by a 2x4 would probably be effective, I think you might also consider a more delicate approach. If you can get someone holding a sharpened stick to stand behind your patient, and give an occasional prod, I feel the patient can be properly motivated to get building. A few jabs to the posterior should do. Either way, I am sure a fellow inmate at the asylum can be found for either of these jobs. This should cause the brain spasms to cease almost instantly, as actual construction begins. Progress with treatment of this paralysis can be visually observed, and a digital reference can be plotted from the number of strips applied to the forms in a given day.

My prior experience with this condition indicates that once the hull is complete it is not necessary to continue such accurate measurments of progress, as the fiberglassing step tends to be slightly addictive, and patients rarely have relapses after the hull is complete and sanded.

I hope this answer is sufficient to your needs.

In the event you wish a second opinion, I shall be happy to also discuss varnish. Very truly yours,

Paul Bunyan,

Doctor of Forestry

School of Hard Knocks

Bemidji, MN.