:I also wear a shop apron, but must admit I have a horrible habbit
:of laying stuff down. The other night Amy and myself both looked
:for five to ten minutes for a plane that I was using and it
:turned out to be right there on top of the workpiece. To my
:tired eyes it blended in with the clamps next to it.

:Best regards,

: Malcolm Schweizer

:Hi Malcolm,

:Well you're certainly not alone in that regard, putting stuff down and forgetting where. I was hunting all around the shop for my razor knife the other day, looked :everywhere then noticed a strange bump in one of the new OSB walls, some idiot put the new wall section on top of the razor knife which caused the odd bump . :Luckily the walls are all installed with drywall screws, so no real harm done.

:Bill H.

Why gentlemen, you are not at all to blame! Are you not familiar with;

Evil Spirits and the Barley Corn Rule

England's Saint Bede, (673-735) was one of the first scholars to systematically collect all that was known on subjects ranging from grammar to physics. Although Bede spent his entire life in study and contemplation at the monastery at Jarrow, recently fragments of a manuscript attributed to Bede have surfaced that indicate the cleric was a part time woodworker. The remnant is titled, " The Presence of Evil Spirits in the Art and Mystery of Woodworking."

Bede's text begins with the listing of events that happened in his woodworking shop that could not be explained by any " natural reason." For example, he cannot understand why, after measuring a piece of wood twice, the board was too short when cut. He also discusses the disappearance of small objects on his bench. "One is using a tool, it is put down, one looks away and it has disappeared." Of course Bede did not know about the normal physiological blind spot, but even this scientific reason does not explain his persistent frustration. Bede becomes so angry at yet another "spontaneous disappearance," that he hurls a hammer at his bench where he suspects there is an evil spirit. As a result of his action, he records more evidence of "demons." The hammer misses the bench and slides under a cabinet. In frustration he formulates his well-know Barley Corn Rule - if an object falls, it will always land one barley corn (about one third of an inch) beyond reach. He experiments with other objects by dropping or throwing them to various parts of the room. The results bolster his belief that woodshops afford an "attractive and secure home for the forces of darkness."

Bede also speculated that the evil spirits exist in the wood itself. As an example, he describes the experience of a woodcarver who had carefully chosen a billet of wood for the statue of a saint. All went well with the carving until the final cut was made on the face. The cut revealed a knot that ruined the work. This led Bede to wonder why the last tap on a chisel often causes a nearly finished board to split and how a dent appears without apparent cause on a well-planed plank. Why does a choice peice of wood warp? Why does the bow on a lathe break when the fishing cut is almost completed?

Bede found evidence of evil spirits at all phases of a woodworking project, which led him to ponder: Why do hairs from brushes appear in dried varnish? Why do crude dividers slip, wooden pegs break just below the surface, and why does a gimlet slip and scratch a new alter table?

What if Bede were living today? A longer catalog of strange and frustrating events would add to his list and support his theory. As an example, consider the shop vacuum. Is there anything more worthy of the designation "instrument of the devil"? The noise threatens the hearing, the hose is a snake that coils, kinks and clogs. The electrical cord delights in catching under the casters. And when being emptied, the contents spill on the floor with such ease that there must be an evil spirit directing it. Further, cordless tool fail at the wrong moment, brads and finishing nails sprout metallic whiskers on their points. Straight grain boards suddenly bind the saw and leave a burned spot on the edge that is to show. Glue secretly squeezes out of joints, leaving areas impervious to finish. A design problem that calls for a few minutes uses an hour.

I think Bede was right, or at least he offered an explanation that was based on events that we all have observed in our own shop. So the next time you suspect an evil spirit in your shop, hurl a hammer at any spot in the room, and see for yourself that demons continue to follow the Barley Corn Rule set down by the venerable Bede 1200 years age.

Saint Bede is buried at Durham Cathedral in England. If you measure the stone that bears his name, you will find it exactly two barley corns out of square.

-Wilbur W. Sauer, Paxton,IL

EDITOR'S NOTE: The author extends his apologies to St. Bede for this playful speculation about the saint's life in the 8th century.

I BELIEVE EVERY WORD!

Rob

I keep a copy posted in my shop. Whenever my wife complains about my swearing I point to it.