I just heard from CBC Radio One (AM 740) that the Radio Active guys wanna interview me today, live over the phone at 5:20 PM today (Thursday). They plan to find out what makes a paddler tick when he goes out into a nasty winter storm, smiling and excited, and stays out there for three hours. I think I might know what to say. Hee! Hee!

True Story ahead:

Once upon a time, in a frozen land far far away from palm trees and sapphire blue waters (reference to you, Malcolm), a kayaker headed out into a blustery snowy day during whiteout conditions. There was so much snow that the ground had over 12 inches of the fluffy stuff on it already. The kayaker took his kayak with him with honest intentions. He certainly dressed for the occasion because he understood that paddling under such conditions could be a little cool. Although the intensity of the snow fall eased up while he drove to his favorite river, it was still falling nicely, covering all the pretty trees and making them look very wintery. This paddler launched his kayak and then headed downstream and passed interested folks here and there, who took his picture, one even shot some video of the paddler, to whom the paddler waved as he passed under the big blue bridge. The paddler carried on his merry way until it was time to turn around. He was experiencing a light sweat by this time. He parked his kayak behind a bridge pylon util he was rested enough to head back to the put in point. You see, so far he had been paddling downstream and now he had to go upstream so rest was very important to him. he even snuck a drink of warm water which he thoughtfully packed before he left home. The problem with resting in cold conditions after sweating was that while he sat there behind that big old cold concrete pylon, he started to cool off so he couldn't rest for too long or he would begin to feel very cold. It is probably sage to mention that he couldn't find his full-fingered neo gloves that stormy day so he took his half-fingered gloves and wore his comfy pogies over top. His fingers were toasty warm while he paddled but if he sat too long without moving, Old Man Winter would make them freeze into those cute little sausages you take out of the freezer to make wraps out of when guests are expected at home. Soon he was moving upstream with very strong strokes, working hard to warm up again and to keep the kayak pointing forward while the eddying current on the river tried to spin him this way and that way. Soon he came to that big blue bridge again and there he spotted the LRT train stopped on top of the bridge while another train came from the opposite direction. While that train was stopped on top of the bridge, a female passenger in the train spotted the kayaker and could not believe what she was seeing. You see, the snow was really falling heavily, the wind was billowing it up all over the place and from her comfy perch high in the warm train the water looked forebodingly cold and dark, even evil. Well, the woman suddenly felt something deep in her heart. She immediately texted her friend to tell her that there was a mofo-#$^&*(#^$&*#^ crazy kayaker on the river right now...that man is crazy stupid for being out there in this shitty weather and I think I have found the man of my dreams. She claimed that she was in love. The friend this woman texted responded to the message with haste. She told her that crazy kayaker was married so don't even think about it. You see, the train woman's friend happened to be the kayaker's neighbors friend who was living in the neighbors basement and they knew the crazy kayaker was out on the river. Who the hell else in Edmonton could it be but...

Robert (Take)N(and not Mormon) Pruden