: Lawyer for the defence: we submit that worse tastes have come out
: of that microwave than wood flour without complaint from the
: defendant and that the duct tape was used to repair a plate
: broken by the plaintiff. We acknowledge irreconcilable
: differences but submit that these are universally recognized as
: normal between a person of the female persuation and a person
: infected with any form of kayaking or boat-building disease of
: which my client has both, and further that the aforesaid
: conditions were known and acknowledged by the plaintiff at the
: time of the marriage.
: ref; ancient kayaker vs ancient kayaker, schade vs schade, hamm vs
: hamm, etc

Her Lawyer: I must confess Mr Pruden that I have always appreciated kayaking and I am impressed with your adventures and your great skills at building wood/glass kayaks with your own two hands. It is obvious to me that your ex has no idea of the mistake she is making so here is what I am going to do for you today. I will pay you $20 000 to build me a strip kayak, I want Nick Shade's Night Heron, low deck because I love rolling on hot days and I have always wanted to surf the big waves. I will pay you an additional $10 000 to create some of your original art work on the deck and I want that Guinness comment on the bottom of the hull. I will convince your ex of the error of her ways, help her understand the immense psychological distress she has put you under by removing you from your shop in her garage and inform her that she has 30 days to either correct the error of her ways, reaffirm her love for you, understand that you need to do what you need to do when a build is ongoing, and even offer to assist you in any way shape or form necessary to be able to proceed with a build even if it means you must quit your job and work on the build full time, or she will risk being sued for inhumane treatment directed toward a vulnerable sector of society. I want you to understand that there are people who care for and understand what you are going through and we consider your treatment by your ex to be unfair and inhumane. Let matters to me.

Robert N Pruden